This is the tale of the 'Picnic at the River Cox' referred to on the 'Tell It To The Fortune Teller' page.
Picnic At The River Cox (2010)
It was a lovely sunny day, every thing was in its place
It was a lovely sunny day, every thing was in its place.
Sun was soaring bright, birds seemed to sing in rhyme
Miss. Leonora said to all “Hoorah! ‘t must be picnic time!”
Miss. Leonora said to all “Hoorah! ‘t must be picnic time!”
So Yorrick, the Professor, Henry and the Colonel
So Yorrick, the Professor, Henry and the Colonel
Enjoined the ladies to prepare a jolly jaunt to Cox’s River.
A delightful thought, which when relayed, set Miss. Isabel all a-quiver
A delightful thought, which when relayed, set Miss. Isabel all a-quiver.
As the Colonel tossed a salad, Dr. Yorrick produced some wine
As the Colonel tossed a salad, Dr. Yorrick produced some wine.
From Leonora’s kitchen came “Oh bother, for heaven’s sake!!”
For she had baked a pumpkin pie but she’d almost burnt the cake
For she had baked a pumpkin pie but she’d almost burnt the cake.
Arriving then came Henry, horseless carriage in tow
Arriving then came Henry, horseless carriage in tow
Entreating all be seated with “Shall we tarry forth to dine?!!”.
The Colonel suggested it be best “To go via the Bell’s Line”
The Colonel suggested it be best “To go via the Bell’s Line”.
Henry set off at such a pace the ladies near lost their hats
Henry set off at such a pace the ladies near lost their hats
Dust goggles ‘de rigeur’ for all, and for the ladies scarf and net.
Miss. Leonora brought her galoshes, ‘Just in case I should get wet!”
Miss. Leonora brought her galoshes, ‘Just in case she should get wet!”
At destination’s arrival in a cloud of fumes and dust
At destination’s arrival in a cloud of fumes and dust
Alighted in fits of coughing near the property of a ‘Mr. Rudd’.
Carried picnic down by the river, found it; not exactly in flood
Carried picnic down by the river, found it; not exactly in flood.
The ladies set rugs and blankets, sorted plates and cutlery
The ladies set rugs and blankets, sorted plates and cutlery
Whilst the Colonel and Professor made survey around the paddock.
The Colonel suddenly exclaimed “I say, I’ve an odd craving for haddock!”
The Colonel suddenly exclaimed “I say, I’ve an odd craving for haddock!”
By time the gentlemen returned it was the time for feasting
By time the gentlemen returned it was the time for feasting
And feast it was, they all agreed, no morsel left to chance.
Miss. Isabel, who’d fallen asleep, lay ‘top a nest of ants.
Miss. Isabel, who’d fallen asleep, lay ‘top a nest of ants.
Into the scrub Yorrick had gone, he’d had a ‘nature call’
Into the scrub Yorrick had gone, he’d had a ‘nature call’
When from the field a-yonder came an angry bull that’s charging.
Yorrick leapt two feet, burst from the scrub and through the fray came barging.
Yorrick leapt two feet, burst from the scrub and through the fray came barging.
Miss. Isabel awakened by ants all crawling and a-biting
Miss. Isabel awakened by ants all crawling and a-biting
Screamed and ran to Henry arms, cried “Oh Henry dear, please save me!!”
Jumping thence into his arms, staggered he to the car so bravely!
Jumping thence into his arms, staggered he to the car so bravely!
The Colonel, ever vigilant, had already primed the crank
The Colonel, ever vigilant, had already primed the crank
Whilst Leonora had just packed away the rugs and picnic basket.
Into the auto in leaps and bounds, they sprawled a-tisket a-tasket.
Into the auto in leaps and bounds, they sprawled a-tisket a-tasket.
The Colonel jumped on running board as the bull reached the car
The Colonel jumped on running board as the bull reached the car
Henry shouted from the back seat “I believe top speed’s a must!!”
And with Yorrick wildly at the wheel soon left him in their dust
And with Yorrick wildly at the wheel soon left him in their dust.
Escaping back to safety of town whilst the sun set long in the west
Escaping back to safety of town whilst the sun set long in the west
Miss. Isabel, madly working her fan, “I retire to Leura!”, she did say
And Leonora resolved to picnic ‘at home’, or at least till the end of May!
And Leonora resolved to picnic ‘at home’, or at least till the end of May!
The following was after the Colonel's first foray into the deep, dark jungles of Outer Lithgowania in search of the 'Black Panther'. Said to have roamed the hills and valleys there for decades, some say centuries, he and his trusty team of 'Beast-catchers' did not succeed on this attempt but they had a rip-roaring time doing it!!
The Lithgow Black Panther (2010)
Out in the back hills, away from the towns
The legend won’t die of the hearing of sounds
Of the snarls and the growls and odd midnight cry
Of those furtive black shadows from the corner of the eye.
From out of the desert a brave adventurer has come
Bringing boundless experience and a hot toddy of rum.
And with the extra help of Professor Hedgewick’s inventions
The Colonel has most positive Panther-Hunting Intentions.
On his very first sortie the Colonel had found
A sequence of tracks of a size to astound.
He followed them astutely through bush and through scrub
Only to discover horse riders heading for the local pub!!
Never letting a single setback to deter his forward path
He returned to his camp and ordered a hot bath.
Daydreaming therein of the steamy jungles of Asia
He conjured up a plan that grew ever crazier.
At first he had sought just to prove its existence
Now he would capture the beast - with the Professor’s assistance.
He sent off a message by pigeon-morse code
“Your presence is needed! Oh, you may need that commode.”
Struggling through the wilderness on his patented ‘Walker’
Dr. Yorrick accompanied as his ‘Gobbledygook de-talker’.
Following behind in his entourage was his ‘patient’ brother Henry
Also Mr. Fillets and his camera, for the event’s pictorial memory.
Not wanting to miss out on the mayhem and fun
Miss. Leonora had arrived in the guise of a nun.
She’d thought she could provide all with spiritual guidance
But none sought to trust her with their ‘religious’ confidence.
The Professor had designed a special ‘Beastie Catcher’
For safety reasons he had brought a Tooth and Nail De-Scratcher.
He was aching to try out his large ‘Self-Enabling Net’
But wasn’t sure if it would work nor had tested it in the wet.
The Colonel had also brought his faithful hound called Sophie
As a retrieving Cocker Spaniel she had won him many a trophy.
She had a marvellous reputation for sniffing out cats as well as ducks
But unfortunately could be distracted by anything that moves or clucks.
Now that the Colonel’s camp had turned into a caravan
The hunt for the Black Panther began in earnest to a man.
This annoyed Miss. Leonora who exclaimed, “Oh, for pity’s sake!
I expect you’ll just be wanting me to make a celebratory cake!!”
All: Yes, please!!!
After a hearty dinner consisting of rabbit pie with roast potatoes
They retired to bed and dreamt upon giant bunnies munching on their toes.
As morning dawned the Colonel rose and with bugle sounded revelie
The rest burst forth in night attire imagining that they must up and flee!
After copious teas and breakfast they again had all settled down
The Colonel said “I’ll climb that hill, do some spying from the crown.”
A short time later he burst into camp covered in leaves and sweat
Shouting wildly, “Come quick Professor, and bring your Panther Net!”
Though Miss. Leonora sought to join us, ‘twas considered not appropriate.
Henry was concerned her good habit would get tainted by dirt, grime and grit.
But stripping off her costume to the surprise of the gathering at large
She revealed herself in blouse and trousers in what the French call ‘camouflage’.
The Colonel cried “What ho then! There’s no more time to waste
If we’re to catch this beastie we truly must make haste!”
Sallying forth in single file they pushed on through the scrub
Henry grabbed a large fallen branch hoping to use it as a club.
It wasn’t long ‘fore the Colonel halted, signalling all to quiet.
He pointed toward a tree on a lean and the Panther which lay astride it.
Helping the Professor unpack the net he described what he planned to do
He would circle ‘round behind the beast and surprise it with a loud boo.
The others stood shivering in their boots hoping for strong bladders
Yorrick wished he was back home playing a game of Snakes and Ladders.
Just then the Panther stretched and yawned, the Colonel shouted, “Release the net!”
Seeing the number of humans near, fast away the Panther did get.
By now the Panther Net had been sprung and was flying toward its prey
But the beastie had already left the scene ne’er to return to the fray.
Designed to capture a moving target the net merely adjusted its flight
Just as the Colonel jumped out to say boo! the net did close on him tight.
Locked to the ground by its tendrils he was left unable to move
The Professor exclaimed in Gobbledygook, Yorrick translated “He approves!”
But Henry scolded him vociferously saying, “Brother, spare some sympathy!
Your invention’s certainly a marvel but we must now set the Colonel free!”
So the Professor disenabled then his Self-Enabling Beast Catcher
And the Colonel arose as dishevelled as if he’d been matted by a thatcher.
He bore no malice unto the inventor, only frustration at losing his prize
But he vowed to pursue his nemesis till its capture he could realise.
They returned to camp with some regret but could still polish off more rabbit pie
The Professor began planning his Mark II at which Henry gave a bemused sigh.
After lunch they headed back homeward still alive with the thrill of the chase
With Miss. Leonora plotting in earnest to put these silly men in their rightful place!!
This piece of purple prose is from the time before the Colonel settled in Katoomba. On his arrival in Australia he endeavoured to set forth on his enterprising venture of camel breeding for transport for outback travellers. But, at one point before Federation, there was an, until now, unrecognised tension between some states which threatened to develop into a full-blown civil war. The Colonel, sworn to secrecy till recently, has never been lauded for his role in averting this disaster. This is his version of the events known as:
The Grand Simpson Desert Folly (2011)
Though soon it may disappear
Something in the ‘romantic’ category
So please take time to lend an ear.
The Colonel’s least known campaign
One to which he was not well disposed.
Occurred in the Simpson Desert
And is still considered only supposed.
Sits a relic of this unknown battle
A slightly embarrassing oddity
And not part of the daily prattle.
It’s a rather large stuffed emu
In a stance of little grace
I’ll relate to you its story
In what’s a very, very short space.
With Federation to come
The Simpson was disputed territory
Though not exactly the richest plum.
Queensland and South Australia
Became clandestine opponents
Forming secret desert militia
Waiting for their moments.
Very near the desert’s edge
A message came from Adelaide
Asking for a special pledge.
Camels were needed for two companies
And his presence at their head
Though he pleaded his retirement
Never let it not be said.
He tentatively took the call
Taking his herd of camels
To where each company stood tall.
Training the troops for the desert
He awaited an open chance
To circumvent any deadly battle
And save his camels from the lance.
Creating a renegade band
To lead on a secret night raid
And act out matters underhand.
Camouflaging his camels as emus
So as to confuse the Queensland men
And dressing the soldiers as kangaroos
He sought to release them on his ‘When’.
The Queenslanders were fast asleep
The lookouts as well were snoozing
So they no longer had to creep.
They fell on the camp with vigour
Camels trampling the tents and all
Seeing huge emus, and ‘roos with rifles
Their soldiers ran back to Brisbane City Hall.
The Colonel did retire complete
Federation gave the Simpson to Australia
All mention of ‘war’ swept under the seat.
As to the Colonel’s giant stuffed emu
I think it’s very plain to see
It’s a reminder of all those ‘mad lads’
And the ‘Grand Simpson Desert Folly’.
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