Put Another Rolla On The Pianola

A very warm and cosy welcome from the Colonel and I. This is the new home for 'Put Another Rolla On The Pianola!' otherwise known as the 'Singalonga with KAC'. 
So, happy crooning to all!!!

Oft times, the Katoomba Amusements Company gathers at one of their elegant abodes to sing along to many an old-time music hall tune. Stimulated by these get-togethers, the Colonel has been inspired to write a small ditty in celebration of the company's many faceted character. Most imaginatively, he chose to entitle it 'The Katoomba Amusements Company Song' (2008). And here it is for you all to sing along to. Take it away, Colonel!

The Colonel: Take it away??!! Where to, old chap?? I thought we were having a singalong here??!!......Erm....oh yes....I see....ah....Righto then! (Ahem)

Everybody ready now. And-a one and-a two:

(All)

We're the Katoomba Amusements Company

And we'd like to be your fantasy.

We'd like to take you for a swim

(Gentlemen) Back in time to when the lights were dim

(Ladies) Back in time to when the lights were dim.

(Ladies)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

At first was 'Ladies Only' you see.

We let these funny men apply

And it's ended up like a real pigsty

(Gentlemen) It's ended up like a real pigsty.

(Gentlemen)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

Was for those who love embroidery

We joined and made it a 'Gentlemen's Club'

A place for bridge and a 'rub-a-dub-dub'

(Ladies) A place for bridge and a 'rub-a-dub-dub'??!!

(Ladies)

In our amusements company

We like to invite our friends to tea.

We bake our cakes and sit and talk

Of who's had a visit from the friendly stork

(Gentlemen) Who's had a visit from the friendly stork. (Harrumph.)

(Gentlemen)

With ouramusements company

Talk of war comes eventually.

And matters of business large and small

Certainly not fit for ladies at all

(Ladies) Certainly not fit for ladies this tall!

(Ladies)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

Has been a major lay-adies victory.

Our suffrage gave us all a chance

Of music 'n' acting and a little bit of dance

(Gentlemen) Music 'n' acting and a little bit of dance.

(Gentlemen)

The Katoomba Amusements Company

Will come back to us in time you'll see.

We're planning now our next campaign

We just have to hope that it doesn't rain

(Ladies) Just have to hope that it really does rain!

(All)

We're the Katoomba Amusements Company

And we'd like to be your fantasy.

We'd love to take you for a swim

(Ladies) Back in time to when the lights were dim

(Gentlemen) Back in time to when the lights were d-i-i-i-m.

The Colonel: Now, wasn't that jolly invigorating?!! Almost as good as a cross country run, wouldn't you say?

Well, now that we've 'struck the first chord' as it were, we'll be adding more songs for you to sing along to around your home pianolas.

Next week, it's: "Let's All Go Down The Strand!!"

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Here we are again ladies and gents, girls and boys, and others! Your weekly 'singalongawithKAC' (no groaning down the back there). This week's gem is the stirring 'Let's all go down The Strand'. And, we might ask the Colonel to strike up his military thingamajiggy and 'lead the band'.

The Colonel: Righto, everyone got their parts sorted? No, Mr. Hedgewick, not your hair part, the blessed song part, lad!! And a-one and a-two:

One night half a dozen tourists

Met together in Trafalgar Square

A fortnight's tour on the continent was planned

And each had his portmanteau in his hand

Down the Rhine they meant to have a picnic

Till Jones said I must decline

You boys have been advised by me

Stay away from Germany

That's the good of going down the Rhine

Chorus:

Let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)!

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what you can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand.

One day five and twenty convicts

Sat in five and twenty little cells

The bell then sounded ding-a-ding-a-dong

To exercise the prisoners came along

Burglar then exclaimed to Jacks the warden

"To me sir, it's very strange

"The men are tired of going round

"Round and round the same old ground

"I propose we make a little change".

Chorus!

Let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what we can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand.

Grey crowds gathered round to welcome

Shackleton returning from the poll

The lord mayor welcomed all the gallant crew

And said "My lads, I've got a treat for you

"Come with me, the mansion house awaits you

"A banquet shall be supplied".

But a towering grumbling mood

Said "We don't want any food",

Then he turned to Shackleton and sighed.

Chorus:

Oh let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what you can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand.

Oh let's all go down The Strand (have a banana)

Let's all go down The Strand

I'll be leader you can march behind

Come with me and see what we can find

Let's all go down The Strand

Oh what a happy land

That's the place for fun and noise

All among the girls and boys

So let's all go down The Strand

***************************************

The Colonel: Well, all in all it has been a tad too cold recently to venture out for our weekly singalong. However, this week we toddled forth and had a grand time roasting the old favourites and singing chestnuts. Or should that be the other way round??!!

Anyway, here's the top pianola roll of the week, that cheery little number, 'Where did you get that hat?'  And, as a by the by, keep an eye out for future glimpses of our jolly little animated pictorial entitled 'The Hat'. A well-received contender in recent Winter Magic Festival short film screenings.

The Colonel: Here we go then, and-a-one-and-a-two-and-a....

Now how I came to get this hat, 'tis very strange and funny,

Grandfather died and left to me his property and money;

And when the will it was read out, they told me straight and flat,

If I would have his money, I must always wear his hat.

CHORUS:

"Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?

Isn't it a nobby one, and just the proper style?

I should like to have one Just the same as that!"

Where'er I go, they shout "Hello! Where did you get that hat?"

If I go to the op'ra house, in the op'ra season

There's someone sure to shout at me without the slightest reason.

If I go to a concert hall to have a jolly spree,

There's someone in the party who is sure to shout at me:

CHORUS:

At twenty-one I thought I would to my sweetheart get married;

The people in the neighbourhood had said too long we'd tarried.

So off to church we went right quick, determined to get wed;

I had not long been in there, when the parson to me said:

CHORUS:

I once tried hard to be M.P. but failed to get elected,

Upon a tub I stood, round which a thousand folks collected;

And I had dodged the eggs and bricks (which was no easy task),

When one man cried, "A question I the candidate would ask!"

CHORUS:

When Colonel South, the millionaire, gave his last garden party

I was amongst the guests who had a welcome true and hearty;

The Prince of Wales was also there, and my heart jumped with glee,

When I was told the Prince would like to have a word with me.

CHORUS:

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAT?

(Words and music by James Rolmaz)

(Copyright by Francis, Day & Hunter, Ltd.)

The Colonel: Oh, jolly jumbucks, another sweaty little tune to stir the heart and loins, what!!

Till next time, a bientot!

******************************************

The Colonel: Here's a little ditty my uncle, Admiral Shuntwiggle, penned on returning to home port one time. Fortunately he handed a copy on to me, so here's my rendition (ahem).

The Admiral's Sea Shanty

We're coming into port

With a cheering escort

And I'm on the bridge looking dashing.

My ship's the Renown

She sails for the Crown

(Harrumph) All shipshape and Bristol fashion.

If e'er you'd mock her

To Davy Jones locker

When you've had a damned good lashing.

Descended from Nelson

(Ahem) Well, maybe his bosun

And pirates, with teeth all a-gnashing.

I'm not at sea

Yet still, I may be

When I'm in my indoor pool.

Well, it's really my bath

So sit on that hearth

And you'll learn how Britannia still rules.

My toy boat collection

I make selections

Bring nations together to duel.

Wearing my floaties

I battle with boaties

Transfixed so that I start to drool. 

(Slurrrp!)

The Colonel: Oh, terribly sorry about that! I get so carried away, you know! Now, where was I??!! Oh yes!

We're coming into port

With a cheering escort

And I'm on the bridge looking dashing.

My ship's the Renown

She sails for the Crown

All shipshape and Bristol fashion.

If e'er you'd mock her

To Davy Jones locker

When you've had a damn good lashing.

Descended from Nelson

Well, yes, his bosun

And pirates, with teeth all a-gnashing.

The Colonel: Well, all that singing certainly cleaned out the lungs somewhat! May as well launch into a bit of poetry while I'm at it!
Here's one version of some 'prose' written by a certain Sergeant-Major Jonathon Lennon from my old regiment. Quite a lark he was!!

I am C as you are D as you are E

And we are alphabetical.

See how they run like ink to a pun

See how and why, I’m trying.

Sitting on a sand dune underneath the desert sun.

Victoriana conquest, mad dogs ‘n’ Englishmen.

Sir, you take the bloody pith, you’ve grown your toenails long.

I am the camelman

They are the camelmen

I am the desert fox

Koo-koo at noon.

Major-General Cashman shouting to his burly batman

Down below.

See how the sky just flew in my eye

See how tears run, I’m not crying.

Yellow butter custard dripping from that dromedary’s eye.

Grab a hankie, Private, clean away the mucky mess.

Sir, you take the bloody pith, you dropped your knapsack down.

I am the camelman

They are the camelmen

I am the desert fox

Koo-koo at noon.

Koo-koo at noon.

The Colonel: So, there you have it. Loved to have a go at all ranks did our Mr. Lennon. Right, well, I shall get back to the jolly old diary writing after having swept out the cobwebs with that lot!

************************************

This is a little tune that the Colonel recalls the lads in the Royal Marines Camel Detachment in the Sudan circa 1890s sang, with relish, whilst probably trying to remember what relish tasted like. It's just the thing, he says, for the next time we all gather round the old pianola to exercise the vocal chords. So here we go!!

THE CAMEL CORPS (Royal Marines Camel Detachment Sudan) (TUNE: Auld Lang Syne)

D                G           A7        D
When I was first recruited, boys
    G
To serve our Gracious Queen
     D                A7             G      A7      
The Sergeant made me for to know
       D
That I was a Royal Marine.
D      G         A7                D
He said sometimes they serve on ships
      G
And sometime serve ashore
     D             A7           G            A7
But he never said that I'd wear spurs
      D
And serve in the Camel Corps.

D                  G
I've ridden a horse
      A7
I've ridden a moke
      D
I've ridden a railway train
      D            A7               G
I've ridden a ship, I've ridden a boat
         A7                     D
And I hope to do so again

D       G      A7        D                        G
But now I ride an animal Marines ne'er rode before
              D        A7              G             A7
Dressed up in spurs and pantaloons
      D
To serve in the Camel Corps.

The Colonel: Brings a bally storm of tears to the eye singing that one! No, I'm sorry, that's all for today! The Colonel will have to retire to the study and reflect with a jolly gin and tonic.

Toodle-pip then!

The Colonel, ever the dilettante tinkerer, has written a snappy little tune in praise (and blatant promotion) of his latest venture. So here he is singing for you, in all its glory, 'The Colonel's Innovatory Contraption' (2011).

The Colonel has been patenting his latest fine invention

A wireless contraption with inbuilt defenses.

It’s his Pigeon-Morse Code and it’s his intention

To sell it at a price within the poorest home expenses.

It’s a clever device made for modern communication

So easily utilised by every child, woman or man.

Yes, it surely will fulfil the needs of every nation

Now that production’s in place according to plan.

How it all works can be very simply explained

You buy a specially-trained pigeon that’s called a ‘dictator’

With a first-class guarantee of being expertly entrained

And you receive a little book known as the ‘translator’.

Coming with this kit is a 10-piece pigeon coop

Very easy to dismantle for when you’re on the mover

Plus an inflatable bag that can make a warning ‘whoop!’

And an indicating light with an attached mechanical louvre.

So now friends and relations can send you instant mail

They imprint the bird’s mind with what they want to say

By flashing their words in code as it sits upon a rail

And when it has it set within they send it on its way.

It flies through wind and rain and storm, arriving safely at your house

You erect the coop so that the bird can make its communication

It tap-dances out their message using all its little nowse

You interpret with the ‘translator’ book for your decoded observation.

To send back a reply you use the same procedure

Of course it only works if others have all the paraphernalia.

Have no fear about the danger of a preying, flying creature

Each pigeon carries mice to drop to distract them without failure.

This device is enabled for every possible situation

Perfect for times and places where there’s no telephone

So important for when there’s need for distant communication

This invention can potentially work in any climate or zone.

Yes, the Colonel has been patenting his latest fine invention

A wireless contraption with inbuilt defenses.

It’s his Pigeon-Morse Code and it’s his intention

To sell it at a price within the poorest home expenses.

It’s a clever device made for modern communication

So easily utilised by every child, woman or man.

Yes, it surely will fulfil the needs of every nation

Now that production’s in place according to plan.

Hmm, yes well, bravo Colonel, a jolly little ditty I marry. I'm sure we'll hear it sung around every piano and pianola very soon. And good luck, I must say I think you're going to need it. You'll be up against some stiff competition from the likes of Mr. Bell and his telephony device, of which I've heard that a number of your acquaintances are considering installing said device at present. Not naming names but, for instance, a certain young lady with a rich daddy is looking at this option if she can persuade her father to invest in one.