Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer....just the sort of thing to warm the cockles on those pending cold winter nights. Gets the appendages dancing to that 'vaudevoudou' beat and adjusts your wardrobe to a decent Chap level, I say!!

Greetings From Mr. Hector's Dolphins As Seen From The Indefatigable Fox II At Akaroa

The Colonel and I were on a recent voyage to the incredible South Island of Aotearoa and ventured out for a jolly jaunt into the harbour at Akaroa within that magnificent vista of the remains of a volcano that has become the Banks Peninsula southeast of Christchurch.
We were captained most admirably and professionally by Mr. Roy Borelli, a salty sailor from New York, and his courageous crew. The passengers on the day, including our good selves and Madame Phillipa, were astonished by the smoothness of the sail of this Gaffed Rigged Ketch they ply the waters with here known as the Fox II. We were further enlightened and amazed by the abundance of wildlife we were shown and the local cultural and natural history knowledge imparted by the Captain.
Here for your delight and delectation is a small snippet of our voyage as recorded by Mr. Borelli through his 'Animated Pictorial Recording and Imprinting Machine'. Astounding Photoplay, what??!!

On The Colonel's Phonograph - Flying Chivaus' Take Me Out (Franz Ferdinand cover)

Take Me Out (Franz Ferdinand cover)

Just the sort of thing the Colonel likes on those refreshingly nippy mornings when he's harnessing up the dogs for a spot of sledding in the Pasvik Valley above the Arctic Circle in jolly old Norge, what!!!

The Text Book of Lawn Tennis by M. J. G. Ritchie

The Colonel: "This chap, Ritchie, was Covered Courts Champion in 1909, and has some invigorating words to say about one of my favourite pastimes, whacking balls around a grass court with a jolly fine racquet." 

"Why, we even used to whack them between observation balloons whilst on recce when I was in the Camel Corps!!"

"Actually, I saw Miss. Leonora and Mr. Hedgewick getting right into it just the other day.  Nothing like it you know, pocking around the lawn.  Pock, pock, pock, I could pock all day!"

Oh, and just a little reminder about Bloglovin' for those who like to follow.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Spring Cleaning

Forgive the Colonel for seemingly to not have been 'on board', as it were, lately but he and I have been doing the annual spring cleaning and have also planted some new growth in the back garden here. As you will see by referring to our Theatre du Colonel listings, we have bold new ventures underway.
So, while we're doing the dusting and polishing, please enjoy our new editions whilst sipping on a mint julep or downing an absinthe, depending on your wont.

Christine Larsen Illustration & Design: Ink on Paper Sketchbook

Christine Larsen Illustration & Design: Ink on Paper Sketchbook

Being always the adventurous fellow that he is, the Colonel has ventured once more into the deep, dark denizens of the internet jungle and has returned with amazing and life-enhancing discoveries such as these wonderful, handcrafted pictorial images by Ms. Larsen.

The Colonel commented: "I dare you to venture into the labyrinth of her exotic fluid forms, into her temple of inky profundity and not come out (should one choose to return) transformed. Well, that's probably enough of the purple prose for now. Always like to disinfect the old mundane bloggery with a few sprays of the old purple every now and then. Lifts the standard of one's text no end, I say!"

Erm, yes, Colonel, however he is right about the capacity of Ms Larsen's artwork to bedazzle and amaze and to tickle one's fancy. Tres excellente!

The Woodcutter's Song (Traditional)

Continuing with the arboreal theme, the Colonel has a fancy for the occasional traditional English folk tune and this one especially tickles that part that gets him jigging around madly.

'Tis The Woodcutter's Song with music by that grand bard of Albion, Mr. Robin Williamson.

The woodcutter's song Lyrics

Words traditional English, music RW with fugal ideas by Chris Caswell 1978
Oak logs will warm you well
That are old and dry
Logs of pine will sweetly smell
But the sparks will fly
Birchs long will burn too fast
Chestnut scarce at all sir
Hawthorn logs are good to last
That are cut well in the fall sir
Surely you will find

full lyrics

more Robin Williamson lyrics

And 'ere be a wee clip of the phonographic recording of the aforesaid bard with his Merry Band together with a jolly animated pictorial of each of the trees mentioned therein.


Should you be curious about the chap's current doings, here's a link to his site:
http://www.pigswhiskermusic.co.uk/index.htm

The Colonel and Granny Smith

The Colonel: "I must say I can remember nibbling on some juicy Granny Smiths in my day I can tell you. And many were often a cross between crabby French ones and Cleopatras. Very feisty, erm...what's that??!!"

I: "I think you might find we're talking about apples here, Colonel!!"

The Colonel: "Oh...yes...ahh, apples...yes, quite right, yes. Still they were rather feisty as well I remember (ahem)."

The History of the Granny Smith Apple - Lithgow Garden Club - Lithgow Mercury

www.lithgowmercury.com.au

Benoit Viellefon

The Colonel found this gentilhomme francais, Monsieur Benoit Viellefon, on his last time travel trip in the Professor's new machine. Bit avant garde and futuristic for the Colonel but Colette, his camel, likes it. He told me: "If I play this on the old windup, she sets off hot to trot across the dunes I can tell you!"
Here's a selection of his orchestra's tunes:

Benoit Viellefon

The Colonel feels it will become an acquired taste.

The Grand Invention Exposition

And speaking of inventions, those revered gentlemen Professor Hedgewick and Doctor Yorrick wish it to be announced that they will be holding a Grand Invention Exposition in the grounds of The Carrington Hotel in Katoomba during the coming August thenceforth moving inexplicably back in time (but not place) to the Lithgow Sports Field in July. All of a sound health and mind are most welcome, especially as the exposition convenors may not be totally of a sound mind!! Come see it if you dare!!!


The following is an advertising banner for the exposition when at the Carrington Hotel in August.

The Colonel's Invention #1: The Pigeon-Morse Code Telecommunication Device

Colonel Farquhear, along with Professor Hedgewick (Mr. Henry Hedgewick's eccentric twin-brother) and the irrascible Dr. Sibadeus Yorrick, are avid inventors in their spare time - which is lots! Even Miss. Leonora Godaire dabbles in inventing, having created the patented Mechanical Hair Brusher and the Cat De-Fleaing Machine. The latter was not as successful as the former due to a number of her cats disappearing inside the machine whilst it was sucking out the fleas! Ahem!

Anyway, one of the Colonel's recent inventions has been the cross-pollination of the carrier pigeon with the morse code telegraph methods of communication to form his patented Pigeon-Morse Code. First tests of this invention have excited the Blue Mountains community and the results of his trials will be posted in the next Echo newspaper edition.

Meanwhile, the Colonel, ever the dilettante tinkerer, has written a snappy little tune in praise (and blatant promotion) of his latest venture. So here it is, in all its glory for you, 'The Colonel's Innovatory Contraption'.

The Colonel’s Innovatory Contraption (2011)

The Colonel has been patenting his latest fine invention

A wireless contraption with inbuilt defenses.

It’s his Pigeon-Morse Code and it’s his intention

To sell it at a price within the poorest home expenses.

It’s a clever device made for modern communication

So easily utilised by every child, woman or man.

Yes, it surely will fulfil the needs of every nation

Now that production’s in place according to plan.

How it all works can be very simply explained

You buy a specially-trained pigeon that’s called a ‘dictator’

With a first-class guarantee of being expertly entrained

And you receive a little book known as the ‘translator’.

Coming with this kit is a 10-piece pigeon coop

Very easy to dismantle for when you’re on the mover

Plus an inflatable bag that can make a warning ‘whoop!’

And an indicating light with an attached mechanical louvre.

So now friends and relations can send you instant mail

They imprint the bird’s mind with what they want to say

By flashing their words in code as it sits upon a rail

And when it has it set within they send it on its way.

It flies through wind and rain and storm, arriving safely at your house

You erect the coop so that the bird can make its communication

It tap-dances out their message using all its little nowse

You interpret with the ‘translator’ book for your decoded observation.

To send back a reply you use the same procedure

Of course it only works if others have all the paraphernalia.

Have no fear about the danger of a preying, flying creature

Each pigeon carries mice to drop to distract them without failure.

This device is enabled for every possible situation

Perfect for times and places where there’s no telephone

So important for when there’s need for distant communication

This invention can potentially work in any climate or zone.

Yes, the Colonel has been patenting his latest fine invention

A wireless contraption with inbuilt defenses.

It’s his Pigeon-Morse Code and it’s his intention

To sell it at a price within the poorest home expenses.

It’s a clever device made for modern communication

So easily utilised by every child, woman or man.

Yes, it surely will fulfil the needs of every nation

Now that production’s in place according to plan.

Hmm, yes well, bravo Colonel, a jolly little ditty I marry. I'm sure we'll hear it sung around every piano and pianola very soon. And good luck, I must say I think you're going to need it. You'll be up against some stiff competition from the likes of Mr. Bell and his telephony device, of which I've heard that a number of your acquaintances are considering installing said device at present. Not naming names but, for instance, a certain young lady with a rich daddy is looking at this option if she can persuade her father to invest in one.

The Camel Corps song

This is a little tune that the Colonel recalls the lads in the Royal Marines Camel Detachment in the Sudan circa 1890s sang, with relish, whilst probably trying to remember what relish tasted like. It's just the thing, he says, for the next time we all gather round the old pianola to exercise the vocal chords. So here we go!!

THE CAMEL CORPS (Royal Marines Camel Detachment Sudan) (TUNE: Auld Lang Syne)

D                G           A7        D
When I was first recruited, boys
    G
To serve our Gracious Queen
     D                A7             G      A7      
The Sergeant made me for to know
       D
That I was a Royal Marine.
D      G         A7                D
He said sometimes they serve on ships
      G
And sometime serve ashore
     D             A7           G            A7
But he never said that I'd wear spurs
      D
And serve in the Camel Corps.

D                  G
I've ridden a horse
      A7
I've ridden a moke
      D
I've ridden a railway train
      D            A7               G
I've ridden a ship, I've ridden a boat
         A7                     D
And I hope to do so again

D       G      A7        D                        G
But now I ride an animal Marines ne'er rode before
              D        A7              G             A7
Dressed up in spurs and pantaloons
      D
To serve in the Camel Corps.

The Colonel & Colette at Yeshbum 2

The Colonel sometimes rambles on about his time with the Royal Camel Corps at Fort Yeshbum, so I thought that I might add a map reference for those unacquainted with the place (courtesy of Mr. & Mrs. Google).

And this is a recent photo of the city of Yeshbum taken by a local chap, a marvellous photographer of his native Yemeni land, a certain Mr. Yasser-M-Alwan.

Here's some of the Turkish camel forces the Colonel mentions in his 'Ballooning Over Arabia' tune.

Captured Turkish camel corps

And a photo of the Colonel with Colette and in camouflage when he was seconded to the Somaliland Camel Corps.

Somaliland c1898

Of course, this was a long time ago and the Colonel's memory gets a tad fuzzy these days as to who is who and when and what. What??!!

A Favourite Respite For The Colonel

Time for a soothing gin and tonic we feel, and perhaps a plate full of Miss. Leonora's delicious lamingtons.

For all those foreign fellows who've never experienced a lamington, it is basically a small cube of sponge cake with a layer of raspberry jam in the centre, dipped in chocolate and sprinkled all over with shredded coconut.

Absolutely delectable,.....if you're that way inclined.

Well, I think it's time to retire to my favourite cane peacock chair on the verandah and watch the world go by....slowly! C'est la vie!!!

Doctor Yorrick's Homemade Appelgebak - Home Delivered!

Overheard at a recent dinner party at Miss. Leonora's house:

Miss. Leonora: And what do YOU think of the good Doctor's tarts, Colonel?
The Colonel: Yum!! Yum!!! Just right for this old Colonel's tum!!

How deliciously delightful!!!

(Customers please note the following statement by the vendor - and especially Mlles. Isabel et Leonora)

And all delivered direct to your door on his very own bicycle built for two (with attached trailer) by the good (but sometimes a tad naughty) Doctor!

The Colonel: Ahem!  All unattached ladies between Lawson and Lithgow also please take note. The Doctor is also available for pleasant rides 'around and about'!!)

[N.B. The Colonel wishes it known that the directly preceding statement was added under extreme duress, namely the potential revelation of the Colonel's secret camel-breeding methods of which 'nothing further will ever be said' - harrumph!!]

An Early Morning Tea Party!

A short bulletin from Katoomba Amusements Company's social events calendar.
Morning Tea at Miss. Isabel Violet Franklin's Daddy's house

On a typical day at Miss. Isabel's abode there is often pre-breakfast snacks, breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, after-dinner snacks, supper and then pre-bedtime cocoa. As Cook doesn't always make rather the most perfect meal every time due to an unfortunate addiction to the local ale and absinthe establishments, Miss. Isabel 'employs' friends and acquaintances as taste-testers from time to time.

Accidentally recorded here by myself, the Colonel, Dr. Yorrick can be seen to have submitted to one of Miss. Isabel's 'requests' regarding her morning tea. It was discovered later that Miss. Leonora, normally the person closest in her immediate vicinity to be seconded to the task of taste-testing, was feeling a little 'under the weather' and somewhat preoccupied with the latest Parisian fashion catalogues fresh from the Continent, to be able to fulfil the role.

Dr. Yorrick took to the task so enthusiastically that Miss. Isabel is considering him for 'permanent staff' if Daddy can afford him.

Suffice it to say, Miss. Isabel enjoyed her morning tea victuals even though there was very little left after Yorrick's extensive taste-testing.

As to my good self, I unfortunately had to be content with a glass of refreshing mountain water.

Afterword: The Colonel can not be held responsible for any rude or inflammatory comments found within the preceding text.

Epicurean Afternoon Tea Society (EATS)

This is latest communication from the Colonel by his infamous patented Pigeon-Morse Code invention, announcing his tentative Epicurean Afternoon Tea Society (EATS) venture.

"Inspired by those intrepid entrepreneurs back in dear Old Blighty, The Great British Tea Party, and that devil-may-care soul, Mr. Nipper of Bicycle and Ukulele fame, I hope to lay down the foundations of a humble mirror venture here in the Antipodes for the benefit of all those who love a lamington, a Liptons and a good lay down, preferably in a hammock!"

With an attached 'tallyho!' and a 'toodlepip!' he seemed to gone again in a proverbial cloud of dust, rather like Toad of Toad Hall, come to think of it.



Note: Please visit Epicurean Afternoon Tea Society (EATS) in our Theatrical listings at the top of this page for the latest communiques.
Also the link above on this post takes you to the G+ page for EATS.

The Hotel Yemeni in Aden

The Colonel authorised this pictorial advertisement for his friend Mrs. Yasmin Abdullah, widow of Mr. Abdul Abdullah, who still operates the Hotel Yemeni in absence of her husband. Many a hot and sultry night was spent on leave and on duty whilst the Colonel stayed in Aden.
The long nightly soirees could be heard all the way to Constantinople, and perhaps, even to London considering the roasting he received from his commanding officer on return to Fort Yeshbum.

Twice Upon A Time At The Carrington

Col. Farquhear with members of the early incarnation of the Katoomba Amusements Company being photographed by
Mr. Harry Fillets, famed local photographer. The Colonel had chosen to resurrect his Arabian disguise persona for the
event, cutting a dashing figure as always when surrounded by fair damsels.

The Colonel & Colette at Yeshbum 1

This is a photo taken of the Colonel whilst he was with the Royal Camel Corps based at Fort Yeshbum in the mountains northeast of Aden c1890s. It was taken by Lt. Goodshotte just before heading off on a secret mission into Turkish administered Arabia seeking to gauge the measure of Bedouin resistance.
Long before T E Lawrence was to venture into Arabia for the same reasons, the Colonel was treading the sands on the back of his faithful camel, Colette (seen here in the background) in the service of Her Majesty.
I chanced to meet Goodshotte in France one year, as he had retired there on being pensioned out of the Camel Corps. He told me that he had no desire to experience blazing sun and burning sands ever again but England was too cold and dismal after all he'd seen. He had bought a small bastide in Provence and was living there with his wife and their children.
But he was more than willing to reminisce about his time in the service with the Colonel and some 'interesting' tales he had to tell I must say. And I shall relate some to you in time.

But first, here's a tune the Colonel wrote whilst on reconnaissance with Lt. Goodshotte in Arabia.

Ballooning Over Arabia (2011)

Midst the brilliance of a desert dawn

We arise on the light morning breeze

Once again we’re ballooning over Arabia

Floating away with the greatest of ease.

With myself and Lieutenant Goodshotte

And our land-roving camel called Bron

We chase the Sun’s shadows on the dunes

Seeking a place to reconnoitre upon.

Any Turks below just see a camel ‘driver’

They can’t see us chortling Englishmen

For when we’re ballooning over Arabia

We make jokes for our friends, the Bedouin.

We reach a good spot for descending

So as to settle Bron down on the sand

Then Goodshotte sets off to reconnoitre

While I’ve my midday picnic at hand.

But it’s not long before Goodshotte returns

With raging Turks some distance behind

And we’re off again ballooning over Arabia

Back to Fort Yeshbum, there to unwind.

But tomorrow we’ll be ballooning over Arabia

Yes, yet again we’ll be ballooning over Arabia

And the next day, we’ll be ballooning over Arabia

Because that’s how the Empire’s designed.

A L.U.S.T.y Crusade Bulletin

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

It has been relayed to me by a close acquaintance, who was told by their cousin twice removed, that his sister had heard that the Colonel and the infamous Dr. Yorrick have been of late playing 'games' with the local ladies and attempting to convince them that they are really the renowned Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson 'in disguise'.

The Colonel has taken to wearing a deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe when in the company of a large entourage of Katoomba and Leura ladies. He, thus attired, thence produces a large magnifying glass and commences 'investigating' any gentlemen who may approach the aforesaid ladies and loudly describing to the company their 'inherent tendencies as to licentiousness toward ladies of refinement'.

This action drives away many of the ladies' potential suitors in disgust and reduces the ladies in the 'devilish duos' entourage to 'rampant fainting fits'. Thence this result instigates a call by the Colonel to his 'twin trickster', Dr. 'Watson', to arrive on the scene and they both proceed to revive the often prostrate ladies with 'malodourous' smelling salts and other fiendish implements of 'jackanapery' the Doctor produces from his 'bag of tricks'.

On awakening from their fainting spell the 'practical joking pair' continue their farce by emphasising to the ladies how they have most likely saved them from a potential 'fate worse than death' and that they should not venture out in social company without the two of them as 'chaperones'.

Fortunately only the youngest and most naive of the local ladies are taken in by this, and they are soon convinced by their elders as to the terrible 'rapscallion' and 'scallywag' natures of this pair of jackanapes!!

Afterword: Mr. Henry Hedgewick, esq. of Hedgewick's Emporium (open Mon. to Sat.) has been asked by the local Ladies Union for Scallywag Temperance (henceforth, L.U.S.T.) to reign in the trickery of these 'jack-in-the-box jokers' and to keep a watchful eye on any potential copycats.

Once Upon A Time At The Carrington Hotel

Rumble...In The Jungle??!!

Col. Farquhear: Oh dear, is that those dashed jungle drums again causing this vibration, or is it a mini-earthquake??!!

Mr. Hedgewick: It may be just your malaria tremens, Colonel. Try some of this tonic water, it has quinine in it, meant to be good for that sort of thing! And you may as well add a spot of gin while you're at it. None of that tepid English stuff, of course, but proper stronggenever from the Netherlands. Puts hair on parts you may not want hair, they say!!

Colonel (warily): Sounds jolly good, Henry dear fellow, but I may just stick to my spring water, I think.

Miss. Isabel V. Franklin: May I try some, dearest Henry, as Daddy is paying??

Henry (surprisedly): But aren't you concerned about the, er...repugnant hair growth Miss. Isabel??!!

Miss. Isabel: Well no, Henry dear, I never allow extraneous hair on my person. Any hair I have will only grow exactly where I tell it to! Isn't that what you do, Henry,...Colonel...??!!

(pregnant pause)

Colonel: Ahh!....Hmm...!! Well, actually everything seems to have been returned to normal now, so I don't think any medicinal remedies will be necessary, thank you, anyway (ahem).

Henry: Certainly, Colonel, I quite understand and I think Miss. Isabel does as well. We'll stick to our spa waters then shall we?

Miss. Isabel(disappointedly): Oh! Not even a little nip then??

Henry: Well, we mustn't spend Daddy's money unwisely, should we, Miss. Isabel?

Colonel (distractedly): Hmmm!..still, it is rather odd that everything seems to be on a slant now, or is it just me??!! I feel like I'm sliding off my chair here!

Miss. Isabel: Goodness, Colonel dear, are you sure you weren't indulging in Daddy's whisky when you dropped by for a tete-a-tete this afternoon?

Colonel: No, I just asked for some barley water and...ohh!...you don't think!...well, what a naughty old fellow your father is, Miss. Isabel!! Dashed old rapscallion like me, what??!!