The Hotel Yemeni in Aden

The Colonel authorised this pictorial advertisement for his friend Mrs. Yasmin Abdullah, widow of Mr. Abdul Abdullah, who still operates the Hotel Yemeni in absence of her husband. Many a hot and sultry night was spent on leave and on duty whilst the Colonel stayed in Aden.
The long nightly soirees could be heard all the way to Constantinople, and perhaps, even to London considering the roasting he received from his commanding officer on return to Fort Yeshbum.

Twice Upon A Time At The Carrington

Col. Farquhear with members of the early incarnation of the Katoomba Amusements Company being photographed by
Mr. Harry Fillets, famed local photographer. The Colonel had chosen to resurrect his Arabian disguise persona for the
event, cutting a dashing figure as always when surrounded by fair damsels.

The Colonel & Colette at Yeshbum 1

This is a photo taken of the Colonel whilst he was with the Royal Camel Corps based at Fort Yeshbum in the mountains northeast of Aden c1890s. It was taken by Lt. Goodshotte just before heading off on a secret mission into Turkish administered Arabia seeking to gauge the measure of Bedouin resistance.
Long before T E Lawrence was to venture into Arabia for the same reasons, the Colonel was treading the sands on the back of his faithful camel, Colette (seen here in the background) in the service of Her Majesty.
I chanced to meet Goodshotte in France one year, as he had retired there on being pensioned out of the Camel Corps. He told me that he had no desire to experience blazing sun and burning sands ever again but England was too cold and dismal after all he'd seen. He had bought a small bastide in Provence and was living there with his wife and their children.
But he was more than willing to reminisce about his time in the service with the Colonel and some 'interesting' tales he had to tell I must say. And I shall relate some to you in time.

But first, here's a tune the Colonel wrote whilst on reconnaissance with Lt. Goodshotte in Arabia.

Ballooning Over Arabia (2011)

Midst the brilliance of a desert dawn

We arise on the light morning breeze

Once again we’re ballooning over Arabia

Floating away with the greatest of ease.

With myself and Lieutenant Goodshotte

And our land-roving camel called Bron

We chase the Sun’s shadows on the dunes

Seeking a place to reconnoitre upon.

Any Turks below just see a camel ‘driver’

They can’t see us chortling Englishmen

For when we’re ballooning over Arabia

We make jokes for our friends, the Bedouin.

We reach a good spot for descending

So as to settle Bron down on the sand

Then Goodshotte sets off to reconnoitre

While I’ve my midday picnic at hand.

But it’s not long before Goodshotte returns

With raging Turks some distance behind

And we’re off again ballooning over Arabia

Back to Fort Yeshbum, there to unwind.

But tomorrow we’ll be ballooning over Arabia

Yes, yet again we’ll be ballooning over Arabia

And the next day, we’ll be ballooning over Arabia

Because that’s how the Empire’s designed.

A L.U.S.T.y Crusade Bulletin

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

It has been relayed to me by a close acquaintance, who was told by their cousin twice removed, that his sister had heard that the Colonel and the infamous Dr. Yorrick have been of late playing 'games' with the local ladies and attempting to convince them that they are really the renowned Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson 'in disguise'.

The Colonel has taken to wearing a deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe when in the company of a large entourage of Katoomba and Leura ladies. He, thus attired, thence produces a large magnifying glass and commences 'investigating' any gentlemen who may approach the aforesaid ladies and loudly describing to the company their 'inherent tendencies as to licentiousness toward ladies of refinement'.

This action drives away many of the ladies' potential suitors in disgust and reduces the ladies in the 'devilish duos' entourage to 'rampant fainting fits'. Thence this result instigates a call by the Colonel to his 'twin trickster', Dr. 'Watson', to arrive on the scene and they both proceed to revive the often prostrate ladies with 'malodourous' smelling salts and other fiendish implements of 'jackanapery' the Doctor produces from his 'bag of tricks'.

On awakening from their fainting spell the 'practical joking pair' continue their farce by emphasising to the ladies how they have most likely saved them from a potential 'fate worse than death' and that they should not venture out in social company without the two of them as 'chaperones'.

Fortunately only the youngest and most naive of the local ladies are taken in by this, and they are soon convinced by their elders as to the terrible 'rapscallion' and 'scallywag' natures of this pair of jackanapes!!

Afterword: Mr. Henry Hedgewick, esq. of Hedgewick's Emporium (open Mon. to Sat.) has been asked by the local Ladies Union for Scallywag Temperance (henceforth, L.U.S.T.) to reign in the trickery of these 'jack-in-the-box jokers' and to keep a watchful eye on any potential copycats.

Once Upon A Time At The Carrington Hotel

Rumble...In The Jungle??!!

Col. Farquhear: Oh dear, is that those dashed jungle drums again causing this vibration, or is it a mini-earthquake??!!

Mr. Hedgewick: It may be just your malaria tremens, Colonel. Try some of this tonic water, it has quinine in it, meant to be good for that sort of thing! And you may as well add a spot of gin while you're at it. None of that tepid English stuff, of course, but proper stronggenever from the Netherlands. Puts hair on parts you may not want hair, they say!!

Colonel (warily): Sounds jolly good, Henry dear fellow, but I may just stick to my spring water, I think.

Miss. Isabel V. Franklin: May I try some, dearest Henry, as Daddy is paying??

Henry (surprisedly): But aren't you concerned about the, er...repugnant hair growth Miss. Isabel??!!

Miss. Isabel: Well no, Henry dear, I never allow extraneous hair on my person. Any hair I have will only grow exactly where I tell it to! Isn't that what you do, Henry,...Colonel...??!!

(pregnant pause)

Colonel: Ahh!....Hmm...!! Well, actually everything seems to have been returned to normal now, so I don't think any medicinal remedies will be necessary, thank you, anyway (ahem).

Henry: Certainly, Colonel, I quite understand and I think Miss. Isabel does as well. We'll stick to our spa waters then shall we?

Miss. Isabel(disappointedly): Oh! Not even a little nip then??

Henry: Well, we mustn't spend Daddy's money unwisely, should we, Miss. Isabel?

Colonel (distractedly): Hmmm!..still, it is rather odd that everything seems to be on a slant now, or is it just me??!! I feel like I'm sliding off my chair here!

Miss. Isabel: Goodness, Colonel dear, are you sure you weren't indulging in Daddy's whisky when you dropped by for a tete-a-tete this afternoon?

Colonel: No, I just asked for some barley water and...ohh!...you don't think!...well, what a naughty old fellow your father is, Miss. Isabel!! Dashed old rapscallion like me, what??!!

Tea and Java (Colonel Reginald Farquhear 2009)

Et voila, here we have it! As mentioned in Magpie Mockery, The Colonel's 'witty-ditty', one from his latest Silly Songbook: Tea and Java!

Tea And Java (2009)

Mr Hedgewick:  I can never get enough of my Java!

Col. Farquhear:  Always look forward to having my Tea!

Mr Hedgewick:  We first met in ancient fields formed from lava.

Col. Farquhear:  My introduction was courtesy of a Major P.

Mr Hedgewick:  We love to dally at any old street cafe. 

Col. Farquhear:  Tea’s always there for me and for you.

Mr Hedgewick:  Love to imbibe both morning, night and day!

Col. Farquhear:  I adore Tea’s dusky hill-bred brew!

(Refrain)

Let’s drink to our good fortune

Drink to companions at hand.

Raise our voices and we shall croon

And submit to our love’s demands!

Mr Hedgewick:  Like wine, she has a good body!

Col. Farquhear:  Tea’s physique is also well-defined.

Mr Hedgewick:  Java’s an invigorating hot toddy.

Col. Farquhear:  I’m stimulated by Tea after we’ve dined.

Mr Hedgewick:  I like her blackness waking me mornings.

Col. Farquhear:  Sometimes Tea’s red, sometimes green

Mr Hedgewick:  Java’s Italian ‘neath cafe awnings!

Col. Farquhear:  Tea can be Indian and Chinese I’ve often seen!

Mr Hedgewick:  Java bloomed on arrival in Paris!

Col. Farquhear:  I’ve a house for Tea waiting by the Thames.

Mr Hedgewick:  So has Twinings and young Mr. Harris!

Col. Farquhear:  Tea’s also a favourite amongst the femmes!

(Refrain)

So, let’s drink to our good fortune

Drink to companions at hand.

Raise our voices and we shall croon

And submit to our love’s demands!

Tea For Two And Coffee For You

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

The latest fad for our local social milieu is to hear the latest gossip whilst supping cups of coffee with cream and sugar at The Paragon Cafe in Katoomba St. All the rage on the streets of London, Paris and New York, it has now taken off in Katoomba.

The Colonel, ever the man about town and with an ear for the latest craze is in the process of composing another of his 'witty ditties'. He says it will be about both coffee and tea. We at Maggie Mocks will be waiting for the results with bated breath!

Farquhear Beknighted!

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

This was relayed to Maggie Mocks by parties unknown (you know who I mean, of course).

Recently, Colonel Farquhear was in the upper echelons and higher strata of the Mountains region, namely that area closest to the clouds,Mount Victoria. There, on a particularly festive weekend in May, he encountered Queen Victoria (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and aMr. Brown (a likely pseudonym if ever there was one). The Queen was moved and chose to pass a motion, as it were, to reward the Colonel for his renowned and respected service with Her Majesty's Government in the Near East, the Far East and lots of oddball little places inbetween that nobody's ever heard of.

The Colonel was dubbed and knighted, (or was that, drubbed and benighted, one can't always read one's own writing these days) and a portion of the ceremony was recorded thus:

Her Royal Highness: Kneel!

The Colonel: Your Majesty, at your service.

HRH: Rise, Sir Colonel Reginald...or is it Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear??!! Tell me, Brown, what's your opinion on this?

Mr. Brown: Weel, I dinna kin the ins 'n' oots of etiquette thet well, but I suspect it cud be Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear, Ma'am. And anyways, ye dinna want him tay get too beg fuh hes boots, would ye now??!!

HRH: Quite so, Mr. Brown! Oh, if only you could have been Prime Minister. (To the Colonel) So, it is, rise Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear, Royal Camel Corps (retired).

The Colonel: Yes, Ma'am, thank you most profoundly, Ma'am, I....

HRH: Alright, that's enough. Now go away like a good fellow, I need to have my afternoon nap.

So, there you have it. A noticeably pithed Colonel, cloaked as 'knight', 'dressed' by a Queen, and 'ayed' by a Mr. Brown..........or, something like that.

The Colonel's Nemesis

Sherlock Holmes has his Professor Moriarty, the Colonel has.......the Black Panther of Lithgow!!

A Muted Warning To All Mountains Residents

Be on the lookout this Winter Magic Festival for the wild beastie known as the 'Lithgow Black Panther'.

It has been known to wander as far afield as Katoomba and has a refined taste for local community festivals (and festival-goers).

Should you sight this animal, do not approach too close, and try to get the attention of a member of the Katoomba Amusements Company.

They have within their company skilled 'panther-wranglers', Colonel Farquhear in particular having had extensive experience with large cats in the jungles of India, and in the back streets of Katoomba.

Is It - The Colonel In The Library??

Here's a list of what the Colonel has been reading of late:

Why Manners Matter by Lucinda Holdforth
The Edwardians by J B Priestley
Raj: A Scrapbook of British India 1877-1947 by Charles Allen

and singing along to on the pianola:

Hunting Tigers Out In Indiah by Evans, Damerell & Hargreaves
Hindustan by Wallace & Weeks
The Sheik of Araby by Smith, Wheeler & Snyder

A Fine Turn Of Ankle!

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

Overheard in Katoomba St this morning:

Col Farquhear (professional judge of a fine turn of ankle): Now, Miss Isabel, that lady over there bears an excellent example of a fine feminine ankle. Reminds me of my Colette's shapely stems. But then, she was at an advantage as she had four lovely examples!

Miss. Isabel (an acute assessor of fine millinery attire): Oh, Colonel, really!! Firstly, I am disgusted that you might be looking at another lady's ankles, and secondly, you cannot compare them with those of your camel, no matter how dear to you she may be! It would be a most unfair comparison!

Col F.: Hmm, I expect not, no. And they just wouldn't be as good for those long desert treks, either!

One Of The Colonel's Favourites For The Edison

The Colonel, a sometime crooner around many a lady's parlour is a great fan of the Bratislava Hot Serenaders who produce world class hot dance music of the 20s, 30s and 40s. This orchestra consists of 19 musicians including 5 vocalists and performs Jazz Age numbers in authentic period style.

Crank up the old His Master's Voice and toss The Broken Record on the turntable to listen to the sweet sounds of Japanese Mammy, East St. Louis Toodle-oo and Jungle Nights In Harlem. I can guarantee you'll be instantly transported to the sassiest nightspot in old Europa. Yeah!!!